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When will I be enough

Sometimes, I feel like letting you go.. Letting you figure out what you want in life, and who you want.. but without me making a forced impression.

I want you to know the difference between having me and not having me..

I want you to miss me, and actually wanting me around.. But not for the things I do for you and give you… but for the person I am with you…

I want you to realize my worth.

I am considered crazy because I care way too much about you… about us.

Because the love I have for you to never seem to be enough ..

I’m not perfect. I know I’m not.

But I am perfectly imperfect.

and If we aren’t for each other … we can’t force feelings upon someone..

But I need you to realize what and who is worth your time.. because putting me at 2nd isn’t worth all this pain I have.

Maybe it is me because my love is too strong, and you will never feel the same… or even give me the chance. I’m not saying it will be easy to let you go.. It will kill me.. but wouldn’t be better for both of us.

My heart will always belong to you.. But you gave your all to someone and that someone will never be me.

Letting go.

Sometimes I feel like i expect to much.. I feel that IM not worth anything to anyone.. yet I have people tell me all the time I am worth something more than what I ever give myself credit for.. 

How am I supposed to ever feel any sort of worth, because the one person that means the world to me… makes me feel like I mean nothing..

I will sacrifice the world for him.. I would do anything for this man..

but the feelings will never be mutual..

I gave him my all. I’m not giving up… But I am moving on..

There is just so much I can do for one person.. But only if they are ready..

He is not ready and for me he will never be ready…

I can’t be stuck in another relationship where my heart is in everything and theirs isn’t..

I can’t break my walls down to let someone in who is just going to crush it.

The fact that I have this much love for him, makes me doubt everything we are… because I feel like I have nothing in return.. When I give him no reason to doubt. and he gives me every reason to doubt.

I can’t love someone..who isn’t even willing to try to love back.

The past is in the past, you either let it go…. Or let go every possibility of ever being happy.

When he is ready then he should be in a relationship.. not because he hates being alone, but because he likes that person and wants to be with them.

My dad has always taught me.. if he keeps you in second never keep him first..

My heart is way to precious to ever let anyone just keep breaking it…

I love this man.. but if he isn’t ready… why bother anymore.. because he will never be ready… it is time to let go.. either he does.. or I do but it hurts more to be with him knowing I will never mean as much to him as he does to me..

I have asked for many signs.. and apparently this is one..

Mine.

Being the age I am, 22. Everyone will underestimate my ability to understand love, and the capability to be in love.

I have only been in love once. Truly in love.. He was my everything, My one and only, well at least I thought.

He was my first love, my high school sweet heart.. I wouldn’t trade my experience with him for anything..

He showed me love was kind, patient, and it does not boast. He took care of me, and gave me everything.

We grew up, I was only 16-20 years of age I gave him 4 years. But I wouldn’t trade that experience with him for anything or anyone else. Things eventually come to a sad ending. 

I never really fell in love again.. I never gave my heart to anyone like that ever again. I loved another man, but was never in love with him. I gave him everything.Anything, he wanted, helped him with everything. we lasted for a year.

He left 500 dollars on the counter and said “I will always be your friend, and I will have love for you”.

Within those last few months I stayed in Florida till I moved to California was a huge blur.

Constant drinking, Smoking, Dancing, partying, going out, different guys…….

A huge blur.

I finally Moved back March- April of 2013

I started dating a man name Neal. We lasted for a month before breaking up. But only breaking up for two weeks.

I missed him, he always made me laugh.. I gave him another chance.

Everything changed.

We became a real relationship.

we are on our 5-6 month.

We have been having our ups and downs.. I went snooping and found out things that I wish I never did not to long ago.

IN June, while we started dating again.. He kept talking to one of his loves and told her he missed her..

Everything I found out, crushed my heart.. and I am still hurt.

I told him everything and told him to leave. I am sick of being hurt. I was sick of everything he is putting me through.

And I told him the first time… mess up again, and I am done with him and everything he is. I don’t want anything to do with him.

It hurts me every time. And I still think about it.

He has my heart in his hands and he is crushing it little at a time..

I love him, and I am in love with him… But there is this huge doubt..

Do I listen to my heart or listen to my mind. 

Do I save myself from any chance of heart break..

Or do I stay and take the risk..

I feel like he will never be over her.. over someone who has only brought him down. Never done any good for him..

While I am right here, Giving my heart to him, and doing anything and willing to sacrifice everything for him.. I am giving him my all.. and will I ever get anything back..

Will he ever be mine.

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